For those of us in academia, tenure is great. Unless you don't have it, in which case it pretty much sucks. In fact, it goes beyond sucking: it kills. Mainly your personal life, sometimes your spirit. I claim that assistant professors are an endangered species. Are we heading towards an environmental disaster that is going to destabilize the academic ecosystem or did I just have too much to drink last night? Either way, I think I deserve the Noble prize for Peace.